bring your moves, cpc

Twyla 3.0

Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in

Whenever something this big happens in my life, I always find it a little intimidating to blog about. I wasn't expecting to come back a new person after a business seminar I went to in Calgary last week. I mean, I was expecting a little bit of energy, some new ideas, maybe increased focus... not the incredible life-changing event it was. It was like last Wednesday was the closing page in a chapter of what I already thought was a pretty good life, and everything that happened since then was the start of a whole new book.

Normally I'd write about these things with daily headings, but I don't feel like that will communicate it. It diminishes the vastness of the change. I think I'll just try to spew and see if I can capture a fraction of the things that have been changing for me over the past ten days. But first, the one day I really do need to write about is Monday, because Monday was my therapy anniversary. It signifies that I've been getting help for three years, and I'm turning a new page now - not that I'll stop getting therapy, God forbid, but that every time I go I will be enabled to make leaps and bounds towards the person I am becoming.

Deep in my bones, straight from inside
I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones
Enough to make my systems blow
Welcome to the new age, to the new age

Back in November I attended a single evening business event in Calgary, and signed up for a 3 day event called Business Mastery: Power in You run by a very successful entrepreneur by the name of Colin Sprake. If you are one of my business owner friends, you'll be hearing more from me about it, because it was hands down the most useful event I've ever attended, personally and professionally, in making positive changes that enable my life and business. I have a ton of respect for Colin and what he does and I'm a huge fan even though prior to this I'd never heard of him before.

And the other day I should mention? Wednesday, because the Wednesday this week was the day me and my friend Brad took off for Calgary, and it was also the first day of Lent. Brad and I have developed a close friendship through this process of narrowing in on our personal and business goals and sharing a place to stay while we were in Calgary. I was blessed to find us an AirBnB location with two beds.

Since you weren't there and couldn't follow the process with me, and since it's best I don't share a lot of their proprietary secrets publically on my blog, I'll give you a rundown about what I was like when I got home. I danced to celebrate successes in our lives, and invited Paul to dance too. I have kept up an energy level that I don't remember ever having before in my life and felt consistently encouraged by my progress. My self-worth is at an all time high. I feel equipped to run a successful business that smashes it out of the park both financially and in caring for people - this group is very focused on running business with heart, treating people like people, not numbers on your bottom line.

Everyone needs compassion, a love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me
This last week or so I have been as relentless with my joy and pleasure as I was with my stress and misery. Today at my date day with Paul at Montanas, I drew a tree representing who I am and who I am becoming, and I felt fresh and full of life drawing it. Spring is coming to the ground and nature, but it came to my soul last week.

It's also come with a lot of commitments. One of the things we talked about a lot at the business conference is who we are becoming and who we want to be, and I created a triplicate set of statements to reflect who I am becoming:

I am moving towards a place of seeking out, collecting, and celebrating with pleasure and energy the beauty, joy, and mystery of every moment of life. I am on the way to holding sacred my integrity and commitments to God, Church, Law, myself and those close to me, and those whose lives I touch. I am journeying towards being fully convinced of my own inestimable worth, personally, financially, and with a long-lasting legacy to be admired.

Ever since I got those statements down and started looking at them daily, they've really helped me to start becoming that person.

There are a number of amazing miracles that happened while I was away. I've come back with little to no inclination to binge - I mean, my palette is even changing. Lemonade, Iced Tea, and double-double tea are all things I used to love and crave, and now they're way too sweet for me and I have to tone down on the sugar. I'm eating much more normal amounts of food and feel clear and focused while I'm eating. I've overeaten since I got to Make Your Mark last week, but still, even a week later, I haven't binged. It's incredible. I don't think I've gone this long without it in years. I'm really pleased to be able to say that I think I am much farther along the recovery road than I thought.

And try as you may, there isn't a way
To explain the kind of change
That would make an Eskimo renounce fur
That would make a vegetarian barbecue hamster
Unless you can trace this about-face
To a certain sign

After Mass today as I reflected on Lent, I remembered the moment I prayed in a spirit of joy, "God, this Lent doesn't seem terribly penitent." He answered me almost immediately, "You're only a few days in." Well that's good to know, because this month is going to be a massive challenge to my newfound focus.

It's fitting then that in my heart what I gave up for Lent was laziness. I decided even before my miraculous week of change that I was going to commit to change. It started with a cart. I was finishing up after fetching some groceries and I'd had to push a cart for ages through slush to get it to the cart covering space in the parking lot. I was about to leave it there, sticking out into the road, when I felt a real check in my conscience. I realized that I couldn't go loving my enemies and providing for the destitute and still leave my cart in the middle of the road, that there was a big laziness inconsistency in my life I needed to kick. So I collected all the carts in the road, and put them in nicely for the dude who has to handle the carts. And then I kept doing it. Putting away things at the grocery store where they belonged. Putting garbage in the garbage immediately instead of leaving wrappers lying around the kitchen for later. It's resonating with me, these little changes, with who I am becoming, and it's the framework that second paragraph of my Becoming statements it built on. I touch the life of the man who collects the carts, you see.

Not giving in to laziness with the amount of work I have to do right now will be a tough go. We're moving in 25 days and we have half a dozen boxes packed in total, and we'll have to start showing the place soon - I'll have a bit of work to do. Thankfully I won some cleaning services and I arranged for a trade-for-services with someone else for some more, so I think that will really help out with things. Paul's Mom is coming to help with the move, and some of our friends will help this time, too, now that we have more friends available.

Plus I'm working extremely hard on Last Resort right now, getting courses ready for release, not to mention the three client albums I have to design... It's a big set of to dos, but a good one. I am moving forward with the energy to take it all on, despite the challenges.

It's been a crazy few weeks for other people around me as well, with news good and bad rolling in at light speed. I am learning to stay in the eye of the storm - safe, but moving forward at the right speed to keep in the eye instead of cowering in one place while the carnage rages. Because change is inevitable. All you have to do is make sure it's growth and improvement whenever you have a choice - which is more often than you think.