I've lost a grip on where I started from
I wish I'd thought ahead and left a few crumbs
I'm on the hunt for who I've not yet become
But I'd settle for a little equilibrium
There is a war inside my heart gone silent
Both sides dissatisfied and somewhat violent
The issue I have now begun to see
I am the only lonely casualty
This is not the end though...
It's been about a decade since so many things in my life changed. I began university for my proper first year a little more than a decade ago. I began dating and broke up with my first boyfriend not long after, about a decade ago. It took me a few more years to find my second one, and then I went and married him, leaving my boyfriend count at two forever, hopefully.
My Grandfather left us, I went to Israel, I went to Urbana, I wandered the streets of Halifax in a cold February, I worked at the Lung Association… It was all about a decade ago. I wrote down a lot of my stories then. As a blizzard falls on us here in central Canada, I read my account of the blizzard I experienced in 2007, which is a pretty funny post to read.
I confronted inconsistencies about faith and humanity, life and death, sweetness and bitterness… It was all almost a decade ago now. I am nearly done those "best of your life" years that people tend to say the 20's are, and good riddance. I’ve just turned 29 and I’m happy with that. I've been married almost half that 20’s decade, and that's the most shocking thing of all, I think. My past self would certainly have raised an eyebrow. Some of my unmarried friends still do.
I'll be reaching my 8th anniversary as a photographer soon, and possibly going in a new direction permanently, if it all works out.
I'm at a real crossroads today. Whenever this happens, there are always things that stand out. First of all, I always end up talking with friends a lot. Secondly, there's always some quote or idea that really pops.
The other day it was this:
Every artist is an entrepreneur and every entrepreneur is an artist.
I am gradually seeing the shift happen from fine art to the art of business, related a little to the art of war.
This is my darkest hour
A long road has lead me out here
But I only need turn around to face the light
And decide flight or fight
For my birthday, I headed down to Saskatoon for four days to visit friends. I ended up coming out feeling refreshed and full of ideas. I got some things off my chest, had a few people challenge my way of thinking about things, and generally found the whole experience both enlightening and encouraging. In fact, I’d dare to say I’ve felt better ever since. This is of course more to blame on the resolution I formed afterwards to make more of an effort with internet communication as well.
With that, I must ask your pardon, readers, as my blogging has hit an all time low lately, and I have recognized that I actually miss talking about my life, and that doing so encourages me to have something interesting to share, so I will try, for the fourth or fifth time in as many years, to begin again.