rise from the ashes, phoenix

The Place of In-Betweens

Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

I am in a place of in-betweens. I am in-between a crazy busy season and a slower season for work. I am in-between one home and another. I am in-between one city and another. It is an awkward place to be and nobody likes in-betweens. In my case, it involves a bed that is reasonably comfortable but makes our backs hurt, the fact that Paul's Mom's place is great and home-y, but the water glasses aren't as big as my usual ones. It's one tiny annoyance that seems disproportionate because I am sensitive to that in-between space, the place where I am just not home. It's also always cold in the bedroom. Paul and I prefer a bedroom on the warm side, and I really hate the cold on my skin as I try to sleep. Drives me a little nuts. It's just not home, it aggravates that sense of belonging which cowers in a corner of myself waiting to be given a home again.

Since I last wrote, my new Mom and I packed up the whole house. Or more correctly, I felt sick while she packed up most of the house and I only got a small wind at the tail end of her trip. I am super grateful for the help, and for all those who are going to help us with this process. 

I bring up the photos of my new home on the internet. I promise myself, this will be home, this will be the place I live. But not for an agonizingly long 13 more days. Less than two weeks now, but it has the feeling of an eternity. And then, a month from now or so, I will have my first puppy. I think we even have an actual white picket fence style gate. We shall see who has the greener grass, of course. 

A few interesting things have happened. I had the privilege of going to the Starfield We Are the Kingdom tour worship concert. I didn't go down to the mosh pit, I'm a bit old for that, but I was close, just off to the left, in a space where I could mosh if I wanted without the annoyance of getting bumped by other moshers. I really enjoyed the concert actually, and it made me think about finding a worship service in Saskatoon where I can get a regular fix of musical worship in company instead of just in my car. Also, I discovered a few new albums that I am looking forward to enjoying. Relient K, Anberlin. 

Yesterday I got two cool inquiries, one for a Bar Mitzvah, and the other for a destination wedding in Panama. Definitely different things, and I hope I get to do them both. I am not caught up with work, but I am within sight of it. A few more solid days of work, when I have the energy which is seldom these days but still, and I think I can case it before we move. Here's hoping anyways. I can buy myself a bit of time anyway, and that's worth a lot in such a tight space. Paul, too, is caught up with work, which is a great relief. We spent hours last night just lying side by side in the bed in the dark talking about this and that, all the things we'd experienced lately without the time to connect and talk about it. It was pretty blissful. I'm hoping to repeat it a few hundred times in our new home. 

I have all these dreams I barely dare to talk about yet, for fear they'll be dashed. Things like buying myself a tablet during the Christmas sales (an investment in myself - something that is very useful for work, but I can't actually do editing on it. Kind of a personal entertainment station - something I really feel I could use for guilt-free downtime). We're also planning on upgrading my work computer to a solid state drive, which will speed up my editing by what is reputed to be about 3x. That's a MAJOR change, and worth the cost, we feel. There's other thoughts and plans we have, depending on how things go for us. Now both of our jobs are a little bit in flux. But that will end eventually. It's only a temporary thing for Paul's job and mine is getting a bit more predictable. 

Today I am playing some happier music. Maybe it'll stick.

It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
I bless the rains down in Africa
It's going to take some time to do the things we never have