keeping a comfortable distance
And up until now I'd sworn to myself
That I was content with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk
But you are the only exception
Today I called home for a cookie recipe. What a domestic thing to do... =) My Aunt, who is a fantastic cook and baker and does it for a living, gave me the most versatile recipe for sugar cookies. So, Lemon Sugar Cookies it is, since we have cheap fresh lemons. I cannot say enough how much our quality of living has improved living within a five minute walking distance of a grocery store. We always have fresh things now!
And I cook a lot more. And bake. Observe:
I was just sitting here listening to The Only Exception by Paramore, which is one of my favourite mellow songs these days and thinking about how blessed I am. I am truly in love with my husband, and in addition I love him deeply with that kind of long term love that can last through any resistance. He is so good to me, and we have so much in common. For example, on hearing that I really wanted to shop with him, he offered me tonight. Unfortunately, it's Sunday and everything closes at 5. Everything that is, except the Wee Book Inn - a place we have coupons to that we found out is open until midnight seven days a week. I am so excited about that, you have no idea. I often have bookstore cravings at 10pm and the fact that I can indulge myself here is pure bliss.
Today is the third Sunday of Advent, the Sunday of Joy, and I celebrate with joy and expectancy. But I kind of feel like I'm cheating. I haven't really taken much time for self-reflection or repentance lately. This year has been difficult, and every time I hear that lyric of my favourite carol:
Come swiftly on the wing;
Oh rest beside the weary road
And hear the angels sing
It nearly makes me cry just reading it. This year has been a weary road of huge life changes and some of them have changed me more than others. It's not something I talk about much, but the loss of my church was a felling blow in many ways. I haven't found a place to belong here yet, and considering it took me most of my life to find a place in Saskatoon only to lose it in what I can only feel was a bizarre series of events followed by the sealing move to another city... Sometimes I feel as though it's my God-given fate to wrestle with a separation from the people of his churches. I don't think that's the truth, but it's hard to see it another way these days. Of course, after thinking all of that, I went to Mass and the priest had to spend half the time talking about God's desire for our patience. And the other half talking about how he is already with us, the triune nature of his temporal relationship with us. He came. He's here. He's coming. It will all be okay. Time will change things.
I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here
Just a few days until Christmas vacation, family, friends, a wedding...