and I've always lived like this,
keeping a comfortable distance
and up until now I had sworn to myself
that I'm content with loneliness
because none of it was ever worth the risk
well you are the only exception
you are the only exception
After struggling for my whole life with an all-or-nothing attitude that really crippled my ability to make significant long-term change, I'm really starting to learn the benefits of a slow and steady path to change. I definitely have my husband to thank for that to a large degree. Paul is not one to change anything at full speed, and though in the beginning of our relationship he always felt like I was rushing and I always felt like he was dragging, we've now started to meet in the middle, in the present, enjoying our life together. I'm getting so much better at slower change. Being close to a grocery store is making for better eating - I can get fresh stuff every day if I want, and I've been to the grocery store way more than usual here. We're super impressed with the amount of stuff you can recycle here...
Tonight I set up a few Christmas things, and tomorrow I hope to decorate the tree with Paul. One month!
There's way less boxes and way more stuff put away now, which is a really good thing. A lot of work on both our parts. I'm feeling a bit less crazy about the clutter now. After a tour of Ikea that didn't go so well (Paul apparently hates Ikea's atmosphere) we've got a list of a few things I'm going to go back and purchase, including a couple of metal table trestles that will make our dumpster-dived glass tabletop even more worthwhile. I'm pretty sure I've dumpster dived more than $150 worth of stuff at our old apartment. People threw all kinds of great stuff out there.
The biggest and most dramatic slow change we're accomplishing is the pursuit of better health in general. For me this has involved more than my fair share of visits with doctors and pharmacists and a lot of butt-kicking from Paul about stuff I should be doing myself.
When we went to a nearby church last weekend, the Aussie guest preacher with charismatic style gave a strategy to avoid making excuses for oneself. He talked about potty training their daughter, who was a bit of a control freak even at that young age. So they taught her a simple epithet - "You're the boss of your own poo." He then proceeded to say that he knew we'd all remember him for that now, and it's true. It's stuck in my mind, that message of taking responsibility for the crappier sides of yourself. I've definitely been leaning much too heavily on Paul for some of my own failures, a number of which are more due to laziness or poor self-motivation than any inability to change them. I'm working at that now, after the realization. Change always comes after a realization.
I had the great pleasure of meeting two very interesting and very different young ladies from my Kijiji friendship foray whom I hope to call friends, and I should be meeting a third next week. Conversation ranged from the Holocaust to Star Trek, and it was very refreshing. I also experienced two of the many special coffee shops on Whyte Ave and one of them I was pleased to find. I walked there and today I swam for about 20 minutes, and it's my second time in the pool. Paul's been to the gym twice, and I have once... We're keeping the promise we made to ourselves that living here is a commitment to health. And life - Paul and I decided to go for snow tires this year, which makes me feel a bit less like an e-brake rockstar on secluded street corners, but makes me feel safer in big city traffic.
Today Paul made us white chocolate and caramel chip cookies. Yummy. I realize that's not on the list of healthier things, though we did make them ourselves from scratch and we didn't eat the whole batch tonight. That's good, right? Well, the cookies were anyway.
and I've always lived like this,