I'm starting over
It's never too late
I had grand plans for today. I was going to unpack my car trunk which is full of my locker stuff from school and organize my art supplies to something rather more like ordered chaos. I was going to finish my room cleaning then, with my trunk empty I could take away a whole box of goodies that I didn't need. Or two, or three. I was going to take my film to be developed. It would have been glorious!
Unfortunately, I feel like absolute crap. I have a head cold of epic proportions.
I have expelled more slime than the lifetime output of a slug in the last 24 hours.
My Grandma brought me a fabulous breakfast, which was totally flavorless to me and difficult to eat because of my laboured breathing.
Just in case the cold wasn't crappy enough, it snowed here and is very cold and apparently slippery. I knew it was coming already yesterday when I went to the gym with Roberta and the wind was strong enough to blow a person over, or my tin can of a car.
In other news, I was contemplating applying for some jobs outside the city, but after paying for my gas last night I'm thinking that may be a bad plan. Gas is 124. I paid over $40 for a tank last night, so I can't imagine how much you'd have to pay to own an SUV. Wait, we own one. My Aunt says it's $80-90 a tank. At $5 a gallon, it's like buying gold for pete's sake. Freakish. I remember the good old days when 60 was high. I'm going to have to try and limit my unnecessary driving and not get lost.
Speaking of high numbers... In 2006 when I started actually trying to lose weight I started at about 310 pounds. I'd been a little higher even during the school year - almost 330, which was disgustingly awful. I spent a lot of time hovering and going up and down like a yo-yo, but things are looking up. Now I am at 275, the lowest I've been since first year University when my life blew up around me and my comfort eating got worse. In high school wrestling, I reached 250 at the lowest, before chicken pox ruined my season. If I am careful and go get myself some groceries - vegetables and fruits galore - life will be better. I guess on some level, 35 pounds in two years isn't really that bad. I think I can do better though, and I will try harder.
I finished reading Speaker for the Dead last night with great appreciation and I guess I now have to go get my library card out of hock.
In other news, I am doing computery things with my sick day. I uploaded what I consider to be the finished half of my graphic art project for this year, all the pieces (so far) for the Hidden part of my Hidden/Exposed project. Click here to see them all, or click individually. There are three more in matching colors for Exposed, including the heart one I posted a while back and two others. I still want to work on one of them, so I'm not posting the other two yet. These Hidden ones are Fear, Violence, and Depression. The Exposed, which I'll be loading later, are Money, Love, and Fame - fame being the one I haven't figured out how to resolve or finish yet. I am still considering the imagery of Lies (hidden) and Envy (exposed) and may do them in either yellow or purple yet, except envy only kinda fits - originally it was dreams, something about the American Dream of having something better than everyone else, so they are related. It was originally supposed to be a set of ten and so far I have 6 as fully developed ideas. Any more areas you can think of that create a loss of innocence? Wait, first read the statement.
In this project I am exploring a visual interpretation of the gradual loss of innocence in a person, and examining the North American idea of privacy. The pictures in the Hidden series are about the dark secrets of depression, violence, and fear that weigh down a person's life. The pictures in the Exposed series are about the realizations that many of the things the world holds up to us as final destinations are, in reality, unfulfilling - things like Love, Fame, and Money. The question in the end is, in the face of all these, can a person keep their innocence?
In an artistic context, that is a question that the viewer must decide, but the answer has to be yes, or else life isn't worth living.
I welcome your comments on what thoughts this brings to you.