end of all things

Remember, you die.

I close my eyes
Only for a moment, then the moment's gone
All my dreams pass before my eyes, a curiosity
Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind

Don't hang on
Nothing lasts forever, but the earth and sky
It's there always,
And all your money won't another minute buy
All we are is dust in the wind

There was been a lot of dust in the wind today, as it is a characteristically windy and sunny spring day in Saskatchewan. The cloud puffs are wispy and the day is bright here. I haven't heard any students at our University discussing Virginia Tech. I find myself slightly disgusted at the apathy, but not really surprised by the persistence of exams in the face of distant disaster. I realized one of the reasons this one got me harder than most is that our University is centered around a grass "bowl", has buildings made mostly of flagstone, and has about 25,000 students. It's a homey campus.

Probably there's a lot of dust flying around in the Virginia winds, too.

Also, my heart is very tender towards people. It always has been. My heart hurts for them, it cries out for the justice I know is not found in this moment. It takes a lot of faith to believe without ever seeing justice. Justice is elusive, impossible, the lack of it inspires a rage that threatens to swallow up self. Every fiber of my being demands justice...

Many seek an audience with leaders, but it is from the
Lord that man gets justice.... He has sent me to comfort those who mourn by saying that the time of the Lord's favor has come, and with it, the day of His vengeance.

I'm done the worst of the work for my last final since last night. I had STM's fantastic chili in a bun lunch special after dropping off my outline today. Tomorrow I'm going to campus for a meeting with my drawing prof. I have my fingers crossed for a high 70's. I'm not one of his favourites, so I'm pretty sure I'm not headed for an 80... These are the surface thoughts.

I have lived exactly 7,833 days. Some of them have been wonderful and memorable. Some were horrible. Some were special to others and meant nothing to me. I've recorded all of the surface things that happened on just over a thousand of those days, and some of them go deeper than the surface. Some days, like today, I've spent a lot of time on Wikipedia. Today I was editing and voting, however, as opposed to browsing. I've made a number of contributions to the official page. There's 20-some people involved in this who probably lived less than 10,000 days. Remember that some day, when 24 hours passes and you consider it boring.

The problem with having no more homework for a couple of days is having time to think again.

I mentioned the phrase, "dust in the wind" to my Mom. She had a beautiful reply to that. "But, you can be a gentle wind and gold dust... People feel the warmth and see the sparkle, and are happier for the experience."

Perhaps it's so. I watched TV tonight. Went between Dancing With The Stars and some news show covering the shootings. They said on the show that dancing is glamorous. Death is not. Sometimes, like with that one prof, death is heroic.

It's not like I don't think about death a fair amount, for someone my age. As I've said before, my morning commute takes me past a graveyard. I've lost a good friend and Pastor, about two years ago. And this week I was doing a piece of artwork that I wanted to have a disaster in the background of. An echo of thousands of past memento mori artworks. And an echo of how I've felt for weeks. Some might call the mood morbid, but that would be a poor word to describe the heightened awareness of life's value. I feel as though time is running out. And to be honest, I've lived most of my life feeling the ticking of the clock inside me. I cringe when my peers make a joke about getting old. I look up at the blue sky with the wispy clouds and I feel the dust swirling around me.

Then I thought in my heart,
       "The fate of the fool will overtake me also.
       What then do I gain by being wise?"
       I said in my heart,
       "This too is meaningless."
For the wise man, like the fool, will not be long remembered;
       in days to come both will be forgotten.
       Like the fool, the wise man too must die!

Death is the destiny of every man, the living should take this to heart. Memento Mori.

Remember, you die.
  • Current Location: Home, on the Lappy
  • Current Mood: memento mori
  • Current Music: A Cappella - Dust In The Wind
As much as I try to ignore the ticking of the clock, I know it's true.

BTW, I love the song "Dust in the Wind" even if many do find it depressing.

About VT: It's hard. What are we supposed to do about it? It's like the awkwardness of expressing sympathy for someone's relative dying, only on a larger scale about people you don't know. It's awkward. What do you do with it? You can pray about it, but will talking about it help? We don't believe it will happen to us. "That's in the US." "But there were shootings in Toronto." "That was in Toronto. Not here."

On the other hand, it's easier to rally behind something like this and want justice for it because they are like us. A myriad of injustices like hunger and disease kill people every day in other countries. More injustices of oppression make daily life awful for people. But when something small happens here, a mere 33 dead, a mere 1000 on 9/11, well, heaven forbid that disasters happen here in our capitalist utopia, while millions of children starve and die of AIDS in Africa, India's untouchables live in hopeless degradation, and Hindu women are treated like animals. It's awkward. Do we feel like we can do something? We can't. We can only pray.
I identify with these kids as students, and I also see the hypocrisy in making a big deal of this as compared to other things. I made a post about some forgotten people on 9/11 a couple years back. It's here.

There are so many causes and atrocities. I was thinking about the Flood today. When, really, only one man on the Earth wasn't evil. That's staggering. I mean, God must have given people chances, lots of them.
I've encountered a lot of apathy on my friends page since the tragedy. People complaining that other people are, oh my gosh, POSTING about it. It only happened two days ago! We need to write/talk/hear/watch about it in order to make some sense of it (if there's even any to be made). It's struck me much harder than I anticipated. :(