I'll roll my eyes
Turn a cold shoulder
To these even colder skies...
I have had the most non-crappy crappy day of my life. I know, I know, that sentence needs a good explaination.
This morning I slept in instead of taking a dress to consignment. If I had done that, it might have been something productive. I got on the bus, listened to most of the music from my "random secular pop" folder. Most of which are love songs. Kind of solidified the weird mood.
When I got to my 1pm class, my prof wasn't there, hadn't called anyone, and was incommunicado. I was less miffed about going all the way to campus for nothing than I worried about her. My classmates' exultant apathy pissed me off.
I had a classmate ask me if I'd be willing to accept a bribe to do her assignment for her. I refused, and she asked me not to hold it against her. I don't. It isn't the first time I've had someone ask me to challenge my morality in ways that A) can get me in trouble, and B) are illegal/immoral/wrong. I've never done anything. I feel an affinity to Smallville's Clark Kent in some ways.
After a wasted half hour, we were given official permission to leave. I haven't gotten any messages from campus or the prof yet. I felt allergic to any more small talk and left.
I went up to my Mom's office for a little while. I had kind of hoped to talk, but she was busy. I tried to get some of my research project done via the internet and realized quickly that I need to refine my topic differently, or start looking at purely hardcopy research materials, or possibly both. After over an hour of nearly fruitless work that only taught me that my topic was impossible, I adjourned.
Missed a bus by a little bit and had to wait for 20 minutes. Listened to more music, Relient K and Jars of Clay.
Tried and failed to make a difference with the shovel in our backyard and my idea of possibly cleaning a route to the parking lot out our back gate to avoid treacherous, uncleaned sidewalks failed miserably as well. Came back in with a hurting wrist and a full blown case of I hate life. Cemented by the fact that it was extremely unlikely I'd get anything decent done today. I was right.
My computer is buzzing strangely. It's the hard drive, but I have no idea how to fix it. I'll open it up later and see if I can stop the noise. Right now, it's just one more bit of annoyance to complete my chagrin at the way this easy day has turned into a totally unfulfilling wasteland.
There has been trouble in the IVCF exec this week. I am having coffee with Roberta tomorrow night to discuss this and my life and hers in no particular order of preference. If I don't start crying from the sheer stress of all this idiocy I might actually have a decent day. I'm going to go do coffee, then draw, then, if I'm feeling antsy instead of relaxed or tired, I will hit the gym for half an hour.
I feel as if I may have alienated or angered people I talked to on MSN tonight. I am apathetic. I know that being apathetic's a pathetic way to be, but I don't care.
So, instead of doing anything valuable with my time, I finished watching Season 1 of Smallville. I'm now continuing my crappy life by reading scripts of Season 2 in order to avoid as much real life as humanly possible. I guess I'm no Superman, and can't avoid reality. And today, I can't decide whether I identify better with Lex Luthor than I do with Clark Kent. Or with the kid who can mind-read. Life avoidance will continue.