newsong (newsong) wrote,

Quotes from Good Websites

Funny Quotes from Overheard in New York and Overheard in the Office:

Suit: Do you have what I call a "sharpie"?
Secretary: ...what you call a sharpie?
Suit: Yes.
Secretary: and no one else?
Suit: It's like a, a felt-tipped pen.
Secretary: Oh, I know what it is.
Suit: Well, most people don't know what it's called.
Secretary: You're kidding, right? It says it right on the pen.
Suit: Well, do you have one?
Secretary: Yes. Yes, I do. I keep it here in what I call my "drawer".

401k advisor: How nice to see you! How's your daughter doing? Is she back in Iran?
Co-worker: What?
401k advisor: Isn't she in Iran? Or...Iraq?
Co-worker: She is in Israel in the army.
401k advisor: Oh, sorry, I get all those "I" places mixed up.

Co-worker #1: Do you want to go to lunch?
Co-worker #2: I'm on a diet.
Co-worker #1: But we're going to get ice cream afterward.

Admin: I'm going to go home before I have a massive exploding in my head or something of that nature.

Co-worker: That's a great idea, get a robot to sell drugs so you don't have to. That way, when the cops bust your robot, you don't get in trouble, just your robot. Just think, there's so many criminal activities you could automate, like robotic prostitutes. Until now I had thought our future was dark and grim, but how I'm seeing a bright light at the end of the tunnel.

Employee #1: So, does [Wheels] do coke? It sure as hell seems like he does.
Employee #2: No man, he's from Montreal.
Employee #1: Oh. Why does that make sense?

PR gal: We need a really memorable tag line, like "Stop, Drop and Roll" from the '80s. Whatever happened to that, anyway?
Intern guy: It still works if you're on fire.

Boss: How's your work coming along?
Employee: Umm, well 98% of the time I don't do anything but refresh my email...but that's going well.

Employee #1: What time zone is Maine in?
Employee #2: It's in our time zone.
Employee #1: OK, so what time is it there right now?

Man: I'll go punch a bunch of buttons. If that doesn't work, I'll unplug it.

IT guy: Does anyone want to help me move some equipment into the U-Haul downstairs?
Co-worker #1: You know I would, but I'm just not wearing the shoes for it today.
Co-worker #2: Why don't you put on your tennis shoes? I see them under your desk.
Co-worker #1: Shh!

Boss: So, uh, essentially, this meeting is about a meeting we're going to have. Sometime.

Butcher: Careful! Blood on the ground's slippery.
Clerk: ...I never want to hear anyone say that to me again.

Co-worker #1: I don't really like music.
Co-worker #2: Oh, yeah?
Co-worker #1: I think there are only 200 good songs in the history of the world.
Co-worker #2: And the rest are crap?
Co-worker #1: Well...they are no good. I have downloaded 130 of the 200 from the net, but the others are too hard to find.
Co-worker #2: Ohhhhkay.

Girl: I think grad school is slowly sucking away my soul.
Guy: Oh, come on. Like you ever had a soul?
Girl: At least we could probably make a book out of this.
Guy: Indeed. Chicken Soup for the Soulless?

Agent: How do I reset the copier?
Assistant: Press the Reset button.
Agent: Which one is the Reset button?
Assistant: The big yellow one labeled "Reset".
Agent: Oh.
Tags: quotes

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