The pastor of the church that I've been going to for just a few months is dying of Cancer. The doctors have given him a week. At the risk of sounding selfish, I'd finally found a man I wouldn't be ashamed to have as my pastor, and it looks like he's not going to be around for much longer. We've prayed for healing, but he's in so much pain I don't think he wants to stay anymore. Maybe there will be healing yet, I can't say. But for all physical purposes, he's dying.
Hopefully he'll be feeling well enough tomorrow for me to say goodbye after work. Otherwise the last time I'll have seen him is weeks ago.
That combined with lots of different things, like the fact that I'm very sad to be leaving the music community at the U of S, and I'm still dealing with complications from my Grandfather's leaving many months ago, I'm tired and worn. It doesn't help that I'm on the worship team every time there's bad news about Dwayne. People feed off your energy just like any other performing, except more so. I certainly don't regret doing it, but it hurts.
Don't worry, I still believe that God heals, and I'm still believing for it even in this case. I'm just grieving for the reality I see now.
Please don't comment on any of my other entries. I disabled comments because I don't want to think about this anymore. It hurts too much to feel so abandoned again, and it's not his fault or mine. It's just life. And death, and change.