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The Slippery Slope - Quotes

Here follow some of the wonderfullest quotes taken from Book #10 in A Series of Unfortunate Events, a book which nearly ends in a *gasp* fortunate event. Nearly. Except for someone floating away...



The Introduction

A man of my aquaintance once wrote a poem called, "The Road Less Traveled," describing a journey he took through the woods along a path most travelers never used. The poet found that the road less traveled was peaceful but quite lonely, and he was probably a bit nervous as he went along, because if anything happened on the road less traveled, the other travelers would be on the road more frequently traveled and so couldn't hear him as he cried for help. Sure enough, that poet is now dead.




The hammocks immediately caught the rushing air and swelled out behind the caravan like enormous cloth balloons, which slowed the caravan down quite a bit, the way you would run much slower if your were dragging something behind you, like a knapsack or a sherriff. The sticky mixture fell on the spinning wheels, which immediately began to move with less ferocity, the way you would run with less ferocity if you suddenly found yourself running in quicksand or through lasagne.




Taking one's chances is like taking a bath, because sometimes you end up feeling comfortable and warm, and sometimes there is something terrible lurking around that you cannot see until it is too ate and you anc do nothing else but scream and cling to a plastic duck.




It is one of the peculiar truths of life that people often say things that they know full well are ridiculous. If someone asks you how you are, for example, you might automatically say, "Fine, thank you," when in fact you have just failed an exam or been trampled by an ox.




A refrigerator may hold an icepack, for example, which would be important if you had been wounded. A refrigerator may hold a bottle of water, which would be important if you were dying of thirst. And a refrigerator may hold a basket of strawberries, which would be important if a maniac said to you, "If you don't give me a basket of strawberries right now, I'm going to poke you with this large stick." But when the two elder Baudelarires and Quigley Quagmire opened the refrigerator, they found nothing that would help someone who was wounded, dying of thirst, or being threatened by a strawberry-crazed stick-carrying maniac, or anything that looked important at all.





And if you didn't read those, you are no longer well-read. Cakesniffers. *grin* I am very addicted to that series. Very, horribly, unfortunately addicted.
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