newsong

The way you smile at the ground

It ain't hard to tell you don't know

You don't know you're beautiful

Well, our new tricked-out old person Tardis car is safely in the downstairs parkade, and has been ours for a few days now. I cannot help but feel kind of normal and boring driving it, wheras my old car made me feel special and sporty. Ah well. I have been enjoying having a sunroof for beautiful days like today. One thing I can say for it is that it's REALLY comfortable. It's a total road trip car. Paul and I have been discussing the possibility of driving to the States next spring to see the desolation their northernmost States and the Yellowstone Park. This would be the car to do it in.

My amazing husband spent almost the whole day on Wednesday putting the house back into order and cleanliness after it's been a shambles for months while he's been gone and I've been busy. It's in a state of near order - not quite there, but enough that it doesn't make me feel crazy just looking at it. I am comfortable being here all the time, and since I am here a lot, that's good. I am so glad to be done the last few months of constant travel.

A couple of nights ago my friend Cathleen came through town for a family thing and we had a late night talk about life's hard decisions, during which the most apt song came on the radio. I looked up at the radio. She made a frowny face. Then we burst into hysterics. It was awesome, in a terrible sort of way. It's so cool that I have so many friends who are a lot like me in so many ways... It was at Denny's, our old haunt but a different location, and nostalgia is always a part of those moments.

I had a couple of great wedding meetings on Wednesday with one person booing on the spot, and I already have high hopes that next year will be amazing. I picked up my freshly cleaned camera from Vistek and started playing with my (also-new) lens. I made another expensive mistake and over-cleaned one of my lenses over time and now it's scratched in a way that shows up on photos. Oops. It's also too expensive to fix, I might as well get a new lens. But as Paul reminded me, it's this good glass that I buy that makes me the money and makes the amazing photos. So now I'm getting used to a zoom lens again - the 24-70mm. It's going to help a lot at weddings actually, since weddings move so quickly these days. Nearly everyone is having a ten minute ceremony! Crazy. And I went over the Ken Rockwell manual for my camera again and fixed up some recommended settings to try and make everything awesome SOOC - photographer talk for straight out of the camera. Today is a good day - my camera is clean, my new lens is wonderful to work with, and I have made great strides in just a day in doing a better job of my job. I have also finally finished designing the Mermaid Wedding invitations that I was contracted for and dropped off some things at Wedding World, so all in all today has been quite a productive day. I am looking forward to going for a nice walk with my other half and enjoying what is a truly lovely day. 

If you look at my photos from today, you can meet our Motherly pigeon. We've tried naming her a few times and it's never stuck, so I am naming her Maud (it seems a Mom kind of name), and since I've written it somewhere we will remember... My sister-in-law will probably notice that her prediction that our kindness to pigeons, who have been called the rats of the air by many a person - has resulted in an escalation. We're not farming pigeons yet, but we are growing one! I hope it survives to baby-hood, because my Paul has never seen a baby bird, and baby birds are amazing. We have an incubation happening just a few feet from our balcony door, so we'll hopefully be able to see everything happen sometime next week since that's when the internet tells us to look for a baby bird! We have noticed that Dad (I'm going to name him Henry) switches off at around the times of day that the internet said, which is cool. Dual parenting exists in nature! =)

I am currently reading a book of steampunk stories and a novel in preparation for the Steampunk LARP coming up in July. Paul and I are both working on our characters and costume ideas for it and waiting in high expectation. I love LARPing, not just that it helps me win who-is-more-nerdy conversations, but that I do find them way more fun than just plain acting. It's like... directed improv. I love it anyway, and I can't wait to enjoy the upcoming one. I am also slowly but surely making my way through The Count of Monte Cristo, which is really good. It's terribly long, but packed with content - unlike Tolstoy, who is terribly long and ranty, this story is just taking place over so much time it has to be long...

My last weekend was full of incredible sessions and a wedding that was the most fun I've ever had at a wedding. The bride nearly kissed a real-live frog! Check out the blog to see Ashley and Rob's Wedding, the Cameron Family Photos, and the Engagement photos I did last weekend. It was a blast. And today I went for a leisurely walk with Paul, took some spring photos with my new lens, and ate some ice cream. Tomorrow I get to shoot another bachelorette boudoir session, which is going to be tons of fun as usual!

I'm trying to take today pretty easy becuase I'll be working for another long stretch here - just one shoot tomorrow for this weekend, but a ton of editing and graphics work over the next week. Life has been pretty good since things on my to do list have started to actually get done! 

The important thing is that blogging is starting to happen on a much more regular basis. Yet more of my personal goals gaining ground!

And I’m the kinda fellow that’ll make you feel better when your life gets shook

So give it a chance according to your plans 

Well, the long and the short of it is that we lost another car. 

Between Paul and I, we've lost five cars in a few years. That is not normal. And thanks to someone else this time, we just lost the last one on that list. We slowed down to stop at a light on Whyte Ave a week ago, on our way to a Doctor's appointment and then out of town, with our car packed full. They did not stop at the stop light, and hit us at about 40k. We thought the car was fixable, and so did the bodywork gents. Nope. Bodywork is expensive, and the whole bumper and back door and some of the side panels needed replacing, and it was over the limit for what the company would fix, so again, we're out a car. I'm grieving pretty hard for that car. It was the first car I had where I swore I'd keep it until it rusted out, because it was amazing and reliable... 

Really, a lot of great things happened that day and since. We got special permission from the rental car company to take the rental out of town like we'd planned and went to a family wedding and our niece's baptism in Saskatoon. The doctor's office did not fine me for not showing up. The guys at the bodywork place were so incredibly nice to us. Our adjuster even gave me the 2 minute tour of the bodywork place with the washing area, the painting booths, and the workspace. It was pretty cool. I would recommend those guys in a heartbeat even though they didn't actually end up doing the final work on our car. Our settlement on the car is pretty much spot on, though we wish we could beg for them to fix it instead of paying us out, it's against their rules. I mean, I get that, but sentimental value and reliability just doesn't match up so well with dollars and cents. I loved that car and it sucks to lose it and be in a new boat of trying to find something when I have a lot of other things to do.

I spent a good portion of last week feeling like anything could happen - in that bitter, cynical way you pick up when you have small tragedy after small tragedy and nothing seems safe anymore. I am recovering from being weary and angry and tired of dealing with life. It's like I keep having to set my personal "workplace injury calendar" back to zero every few months, and it sucks. In a world where I already feel like I have so little control, it feels as though the world conspires to show me that I have none of it, and yes, it can be worse, here, let's show you how. But all that aside, things could have gone a lot worse, and a lot of things are going pretty well.

Life is getting better all the time

As long as we're together 

Everything's gonna be alright

Things are going reasonably well. For example, Staples just had a sale on a bunch of stuff I needed and I made a $550 purchase there - saving myself over $360. That was a great moment of yesterday. I have two wedding meetings for next year coming up. I might have another wedding for this summer, too.

On the other hand, today we looked at two cars and decided not to buy either of them. I mean, I feel like those were good decisions, but all of today was spent looking at things... The latest decision is that we're going to buy a car in the $4,000-$5,000 price range and have very little debt come of it, halving our car debt and probably making our insurance cheaper too. It's a temporary solution - we're still hoping to replace our car with a newer version of the same - but there's a limited market for automatics of that car style, and neither of us have time to properly learn to drive standard just now. Really it's less about time and more about the availability of teachers in Edmonton so we can do it over time instead of cramming, which is why I'm still not comfy with standard despite having learned a few times.

I am so exhausted all the time trying to handle a huge workload plus the car workload, which is now taking up ALL my time. Well, all my time that's not being spent responding to new inquries, which are now coming in daily - today I think I set a record for new inquiries in a week, actually. I think I'm at 8 separate inquiries this week. I am actually pretty swamped, and I just sent some emails to clients that were going to book with me later to tell them that later is now and I am reaching the absolute limits of clients I can take on at one time. Partly this is because of a couple of huge contracts, too. But there is no better problem to have than being booked solid, if you ask me! I spent tonight sending about a dozen business emails. Client communication is taking up a lot of time now - perhaps it's nearly time for a secretary! 

In random life news, there appears to be a pigeon nesting in one of the flowerboxes on our deck, which happens to be on top of another flowerbox. If we were normal people, we would shoo the pigeon and stop the madness, but on finding out that Paul had never really seen a baby bird, I decided on co-existence for this one. Baby birds are cool. (And unsanitary and all that. Don't worry, we're just going to look. Besides, if we touch the baby it might get abandoned, and that's not cool. So the baby is still theoretical, but it is spring, and we do have a pigeon that's not flying away, so we're guessing that if all goes well there will be a baby bird to enjoy. Even if it is basically a flying rat.

My final piece of news is that my music collection reached and surpassed the 11,000 track milestone yesterday, though I'll admit I'm now cheering for 12,345. 

Speaking of number things, here's three random awesome things people may not know about me, for good measure.

• I always fill gas to a number that fits my criteria for a cool number. 42.42 is the usual mark when the tank is nearly empty (or gas prices are up.) Multiples, like $33.11, or successors like 34.56 are all popular. Very occassionally I will even do this in a way that means I have to fill up gas sooner even if it's inconvenient. Sometimes, I just try and find a number that sounds nice when you say it, and sometimes an even number will do. All in all, it makes filling gas more fun.
• Paul's pet name for me is snugglebug. Sometimes at bedtime if I am feeling silly I'll throw up the covers over my head and make squeaky noises, and Paul will launch narration of a "snugglebug hunt" with an awesome theme, culminating by pouncing on me. I reveal this ridiculousness now because the most recent snugglebug hunt last night was in the style of a truly awful TV show called "Duck Dynasty" starring some rich, real-life hillbillies (we saw an episode while staying with family members who actually watch TV on TV) and it was epic, involving snugglebug calls (like duck calls) and tents and habitats. Several previous snugglebug hunts have been in the style of Crocodile Dundee, Rodeo, and Star Trek. I cannot wait to snugglebug hunt our eventual children as the hunter, since I am always the hunted with Paul.
• Sometimes when I've been taking photos a lot, I start losing my ability to find words because I become so one-track minded on the visuals. It can be pretty funny for my clients on occasion. Maybe one day I'll have a really great story, but most of the time it's just vaguely embarrassing when I can't think of simple words like "stairs" and "light." 

I have this little "Habit Streak" android app on my phone that reminds me each day to do things I should do. I've recently added blogging to try and push myself to blog more frequently again - and here's the results! That app is awesome at getting habits going. Smartphone users, consider!

If I could only find a note to make you understand
I'd sing it softly in your ear and take you by the hand

It is with some not unfamiliar sadness that I realize that many months of my life are again uncharted. It's not that words have become less important to me, just that blogging for work has taken over much of my life because work is so much of my life. It is not, however, all of it. So many amazing things have happened since my last time blogging, and I regret not having recorded them while they were fresh, I feel more and more like I must record things before they disappear, because many of them are really huge events in my life, things I don't want to forget. I guess I need to make a few reminders to blog or it won't happen. I always used to fit it into my life, at the expense of sleep and assignments and other things. I think it's time to begin doing that again. For myself only, really. To keep the memories that my mind may extinguish someday, things I will need to look back on. But there's no harm in sharing these things - and besides that, I've got a private personal blog now where I talk to myself whenever I need to hash things out that aren't anybody's business (or interest) but mine.

For the length of this post (as read by others) after a long absence, then, I will not apologize. Scrolling is a part of the internet, and I really need to get back on this train. If I'm talking about it here, it really needs to be here.

I feel as though this rabbit icon is an amazing icon for many reasons. Firstly, Alberta's cities are home to a great many rabbits. Or hares. I am not certain how the definitions go,  but at any rate, hoppity furballs abound. Secondly, Rabbit looks at the giant pile of carrots with two thoughts - work well done, and deliciousness to come. That is a little taste of how I feel about the coming weeks and months of busywork in the vein of things I really want to do. 

MARCH

I'm only going to go over a few short things here. Paul and I went to Rutherford House to celebrate Paul finishing classes (!!!) and it was wonderful. We had two sets of scones and pots and pots of tea. We love Rutherford House, and it's definitely one of my favourite-est parts of Edmonton. It's definitely on the list I've got coming up a legion of paragraphs down about the best things about Edmonton. 

I was in Saskatoon for a bit in March, and I got to see family and friends, as well as a special hang out with friends in Saskatoon at Fuddruckers, which I'd been missing since it's not in Edmonton. I got to see a bunch of people I hadn't seen in ages and it was truly wonderful. 

One moment which definitely deserves a special mention since I'm such a huge Homer fan (not the Simpsons kind) - I saw a Titan truck with the license plate "HUBRIS". Quite literally Classic.

Probably the best personal moment during March was when I found out through Paul about the Edmonton chapter of the "Awesome Foundation" which is an organization that gets groups of ten people with a bit of financial ability together and they combine forces to give $1000 grants to someone to enable them to pursue a really cool idea - with no hold on the idea or anything, just because the idea is awesome. There was a "pitch party" in late March, and so I went. I am now hooked, and not only did I submit a pitch for the next one, I really want to go more and make awesome friends. I had some utterly awesome conversations (as befits the event) and I intend to keep coming back. Maybe next time I'll be pitching, as I do think my idea is pretty awesome... It was located in a luxury art furniture design place, and there was a coffee table I fell in love with as I was speaking with one of it's creators about Edmonton city culture, how to display art, and "fauxtographers." Best of all, the girl who won her pitch for the pitch party was a new OT from Paul's class, and the idea was to provide a public photo-booth on Whyte Ave for people to take photos in, just as a community thing. I was pretty excited that photography won the day.

It's another business-y thing, but I have to mention that I discovered Streak - a CRM (Customer Relationship Management) Gmail add-on, and it has changed everything. I can now sort all my client interactions into the stage they are in (Inquiry, Booked, Follow-Up, etc.) within my email and keep all my notes there. Between this and the invoicing and product-line power of StudioCloud, I am ready for the veritable avalanche of inquries and jobs I've been dealing with since I started a new blog and page format on my site - it's REALLY working. That and word of mouth. Between all the sources of business, I am looking at a year of explosive growth in business, after last year was an explosive year for equipment and product lines. I'm definitely getting where I want to go. It's good.

Top of the world, tonight, tonight
I don't know if I'll make it,
But watch how good I'll fake it 

Streak by itself made this March a landmark month in my business, but with the exponential business growth and reaching the front page of Google's "Edmonton Wedding Photographers" search, I've really made it to the big time. Let's hope I can do a good job. This is a tide-turning moment. Success is sweet. And busy. Time to really work at finding that mythical work-life balance that's so hard for home business owners, especially ladies. It's a challenge to add to my already lengthy list of personal challenges.

APRIL

In April I finally got to take some photos of my niece (born in October), whose baptism is now coming up, so there will be some more photo ops next weekend. October to April went so fast, I kept meaning to get photos and it never happened. They're moving back to Saskatoon at the end of the month, which is one of those "parting is such sweet sorrow" moments for me, but I have to remember that we will continue to see them reasonably often, and the camaraderie we formed here as family in the same city will not end with a six hour distance.

Speaking of distance, April was the month of many miles - I was on the road so often I got sick of it, and for me that's really hard to do. (Honestly, I might not have gotten sick of it had the weather been nicer for most of my trips.) I spent Easter in Calgary with Paul who is out there on placement (I guess this is kind of germane to the discussion of April. Long distance relationship, temporarily. Again.) Against Paul's will he was sent to Calgary for a placement in neurology, he wanted a placement here in Edmonton. I spent a good deal of time out in Calgary, which was good because it was a rough learning curve for Paul and he spent the better part of his first month of the six week placement in a near total state of panic that he was going to fail, and in his defense, it was at least a little bit warranted this time around. (Paul is constantly afraid of failing, but most of the time it's purely irrational fear. This time there were rational issues at stake.) So as it happens in marriage, my stress went up in response to his stress, and even as things got better for Paul, things got a bit worse for me. Suffice it to say, it's been a long haul. This placement being away means that Paul has been in away placements for THREE MONTHS this year, and I've only been with him for scant portions of that time. I will be picking Paul up in mere days as he's done this placement as of yesterday. Can't come soon enough. Can't wait to have him home with me where he belongs. Separation is painful. But it will be over so soon.

The Easter Vigil service we went to in Calgary was pretty great, with a few technical difficulties on my part, as I dropped my unlit candle and it rolled to the pew in front of me. In kicking around to find it, I kicked it into the person in front of me, who discreetly picked it up and put it on the pew beside her, where I rescued it barely in time for the second lighting. Made for a bit of an adventure in such a solemn service, and sadly, it is the part I remember best. I wasn't feeling particularly spiritual that day and really struggled to focus. However, I loved going out to watch the Christ-light candle be lit from the bonfire. That was pretty special for me, as it was last Easter at the New York parish. And the baptisms are always cool. We're making Easters away from home a bit of a habit, which keeps things interesting at any rate.

In April, due to some office equipment malfunctions, I thought of a new business add-on, something I can't do until later once our finances are more sorted out, but I do intend to add it on to my already flourishing business, as it's something Paul can also help with and could provide a reasonably steady income stream, especially in winter when my photo season slows down. I'm not going to say much about it publicly because it's a good idea and I'm not a fan of it being stolen. 

In furtherance to my newest hobby, I dumpster dived some lovely, comfortable balcony chairs to go with my $20 glass balcony table. So I have a nice set now that was mostly cheap-as-free, and saved a lot of perfectly lovely chairs from the dumping graveyard.

Janta came to visit me for a week. She has a philosophy of how to act as a guest which is rather servant-ly of her and involved what she likes to call "job-shadowing my life" and being a "temporary room-mate instead of a guest" which apparently comes with a side dish of doing a lot of my chores. Not that I wasn't grateful - Janta made my workload that week bearable - but it was strange to adjust to having a replacement-Paul who insisted on helping with everything. We had the usual fights over who paid for things, and we spent a lot of time talking about things. It felt natural to have her there, which always makes me smile because our relationship has always been long-distance. Suffice it to say, though, that Janta is dearly loved and this time together will be something I feel I will always remember.

Light a fire, a flame in my heart
Luminous and wired
We'll be glowing in the dark

Anyone who is a Coldplay fan might have noticed that there's a lot of Coldplay lyrics in this post - which is not only because their latest album captured my life the way each album of theirs has at one point or another, but because I got to cross an item off my life to-do-list by seeing them in concert here in Edmonton in mid April while Janta was over. It was the second best show I've ever seen - sorry guys, you were amazing, but Blue Man Group still has the best show title - it was right on their heels though. There's something incredible about watching Coldplay's lead singer pour his entire self-hood into the music the way he did at the Edmonton concert, going so far as to sink and lie down, singing, on the stage, breathing hard as confetti butterflies fell all around him. Edmonton was the opening stop on their Mylo Xyloto album tour, which made it even a little cooler. I would say out of all the bands that have ever encapsulated my life in an album (and there's about half a dozen) Coldplay captures so many more facets of who I am than any of the others. Their concert included a bevy of the songs of theirs that have impacted my life, like Yellow, The Scientist, and The Message, not to mention the songs from their current album, which again has lyrics to mirror my life. 

I can't say enough good things about the concert. I sang along with thousands of people until my voice was hoarse and even after. They gave everyone light bracelets that made us all part of the light show, which was especially cool because of their lyrics, (luminous and wired, we'll be glowing in the dark). Coldplay's music makes me feel, deeply, makes me feel like I am able to find an understanding of life at a completely basic level just for that fleeting moment as I let the poetry and music pass through me. I'm so blessed to have been able to see them in concert. If their next album is as good as their last...well, five or so albums, I will be definitely looking for a concert spot again. This was my big money splurge for the year. It was so worth it.

Note to self, though, bringing ear-plugs and a waterbottle were the absolute best ideas. Do that every concert from now on. I think I would have hated the concert without the earplugs. With fully plugged ears I could hear much better. Which is ridiculous, but true of most concerts, so I will do what I can to enjoy them in spite of disagreeing with the sound people on the proper volume levels for music.

My song is love, love to the loveless shown
And it goes up, you don't have to be alone

Last week I got to attend the first annual Vancouver (technically Burnaby) Canada Photography Conference for wedding photographers. Visualized, dreamed, organized, and hosted by a softie of a photographer I am lucky to know, Jasser, the convention was the most incredible experience. I have never felt more like I belonged as a photographer than I did while I was there with a group of other photographers whose philosophy, friendliness, and excitement made everything amazing. I was buoyed up by the whole experience. Not only have I started to feel like a pro lately, but I finally truly felt like I belonged. I bunked with three other girls who I barely saw since I was keeping pretty late hours, but when I was there with them I was welcomed into their conversations and enjoyed spending time with them. The hotel we stayed in, the Burnaby Hotel and Conference Centre, was pretty cool. 

My first flight was really painful since Janta had given me her head cold while she was here. The pain was so intense I thought my head might explode, and I spent almost the entire first day of the conference waiting for my ears to properly pop. They didn't pop fully until the next day. In dropping Janta off at the Edmonton airport and then driving to Calgary to take off at the airport there the next morning I think I visited the most airports via vehicle in the same 24 hour period... I don't think I could top 2 except in very special circumstances. At any rate, I took a couple of cabs in Vancouver - the hotel was so fancy I even had a cab hailed for me by a very nice bellman, which was darn cool. Both my cabbies didn't talk but were great drivers. The first drove like a maniac (reasonably safely for a cabbie in a big city even still) and got me where I wanted to go on time which I hadn't expected as I flew in the morning of the conference to safe hotel money, the second drove more normally. Both were polite and I didn't have a crappy experience, as Google had led me to believe I would. The fares were only a little high, nothing to worry about.

There's a huge casino attached to the hotel, which was kind of interesting, I've never really wandered around in one before this. I was a little peeved that coin slots are now card-powered, which eliminates any desire I ever had to play a couple of machines with my small change - I might as well just play on a computer with fake money if I don't get to hear real clinking of winnings. I hate fake sounds like camera shutters on digital cameras and such. Fake coin clinking is such a rip-off. On the other hand, I wouldn't mind playing a few hands of blackjack someday - merely for the fun of it, rather than trying to "make money." At least the dealers are still real people there.

While I was leaving a sad thing happened. The zipper on my orange Heys rolling carry-on luggage broke (half of it anyway) and the... hauling stick thing... won't go in and out without serious jamming anymore. It has had it's last run. What a life that suitcase has had! My family bought it for me to go to Urbana where I met Janta, and its been pretty much every place I have traveled since late 2007. Its been all over Canada, USA, Israel... It's been everywhere I've been for ages. I can't bear to chuck it. Oh, the nostalgia! I keep looking at it - still with some of my stuff in it from the trip - and hoping it will magically repair... But I need to suck it up and chuck it soon. I'll probably take a picture of it first. It looks like it's been through a whole lot. It's dinged and scratched with the wonders of experience. My next suitcase? Probably a Heys hardcase, but a four wheel drive this time!

It turned out that my plans to jump in and out of the Vancouver area quickly were a bit hastily made, and perhaps too cost-conscious. I remember thinking, "Man, I don't know anyone in Vancouver." This is totally not true. I know at least three people in Vancouver who are worth visiting. Provided they're all there next year, I will have a chance to see them, as I plan to stay a few extra days and bring Paul so he can vacation in our hotel room, or go wandering in Vancouver. He's got some fun spots he's been too before on work trips, so I'll probably get to explore those with him next year.

Kate was the only Vancouverite I managed to see while I was there, though Ricki and Philip were there (ironically to go to ComicCon Vancouver) and we all went for breakfast together, and then for a walk down Vancover's awesome Main Street - that makes at least half a dozen cities whose "Broadway" district I've visited. I cabbed to the little breakfast place - Joe's Grill on Main - the morning after the epic after-party from the conference (on maybe three hours of sleep) and after breakfast we walked down main to Kate's place - which I never saw, because I had to take the Canada Line (subway/airtrain) to the airport. If I had known my flight was delayed I probably could have hurried a bit less. Ricki and Philip filled me in on the steampunk LARP plans for later this summer, which have me brooding on a character to develop, though Paul had an idea almost instantly. We saw some awesome stores, my favourite of which was a stuff store, and my second favourite a games store!

Love is a game they say
Play me and put me away

Blink, the card game I bought at Strategies (the store) is a super-fun game that can be played with just two people, which is exactly the sort of game I had been considering picking up for Paul and I. In addition, it's really simple, but not easy, which makes it ideal for tired nights. It's a great thing to do together, and since I've been considering adding things to our list of things to do when we're tired ( which currently consists of watching TV together... and watching movies together. Totally different. Really.) So now there's another default fun thing to do! Looking forward to trying the game with more players, too.

ComicCon

Yet another of my many (and I do mean many) trips to Calgary was in order to attend our first ComicCon with Paul - where the nerdiest of the nerds congregate to talk Star Trek and many other fabulous things. 

I was telling Paul that going to Calgary's Comic Convention (ComicCon) was the nerdiest thing we'd ever done - and then I realized I've LARPed three times and am being included in plans for a fourth, which is way, way nerdier, so I amended it to the nerdiest thing we'd ever done together.  Okay, before I say anything else, I must introduce you to OWLCORNS! They're just like you and me. Except they are owls with unicorn horns. And they do stuff. And they're the cutest things ever. I bought a little book of owlcorn antics, and then subsequently found many more owlcorn activities online. It was definitely the highlight of Comicon for me. That and Sir Patrick Stewart. And maybe a few other things. The lowlights, on the other hand, were many. I was having a low tolerance day for crowds, and there are few worse events to have this at than a place that got almost got shut down for exceeding fire regulations the day before we went. I managed to lose my badge, which was okay since we didn't leave (good luck getting back in anyway, we were in a lineup that went around an entire block for almost an hour to get in in the first place). The biggest problem is that both Paul and I were tired, and frankly, the thing just wasn't that good. I mean, there were some awesome costumes, and some of the artists there were super cool. There was one girl who did leaf art, which was pretty cool, and lots of awesome steampunk costuming. In the end though, I was sore and Paul and I got progressively more anxious and uncomfortable. Part of me is happy we stayed to the end because Patrick Stewart was worth waiting for, and part of me wishes we'd just left early, though I think I'd have been even more miserable about it... So in the end I guess I'm okay with what happened, but I don't know if I'd ever go back to a ComicCon unless it was really small and pretty much just had lots of artists to browse.

Learning experience, I guess. The artists were pretty cool, though. It was nice to see so much amazing creativity displayed - a bit like the Fringe, but more specialized.

I'm the raging sea, I'm the bending trees
An unstoppable force with a wake of debris
I'm the wind and rain, I'm the loss and the pain
Without you, I'm a natural disaster

Okay, so if I didn't make it obvious yet, Paul being in Calgary has been awful. But school is nearly over! At least, after Paul goes crazy one more time on his thesis. But after that's done there's a measure of new-found freedom that I am longing for, for my own sake as well as his. We are celebrating his return by seeing The Avengers movie. Thankfully a new superhero movie comes out every time we have something to celebrate... Green Lantern and Thor being the last main celebratory superhero movies we saw. And you can't really call Hunger Games a superhero show exactly, though it is epic.

You can take everything I have, you can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass, like I'm made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down, I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper, like a skyscraper

So I keep making stupid, small, costly mistakes. Like in Calgary, going shopping for cheap produce at the T&T and making a tiny door ding on an Asian lady's Mercedes that's costing me $1200. It was right after I'd booked a wedding for that amount too, which I'm not sure if it makes it suck more to know that I'm working a whole wedding for a stupid door ding or if it makes it better because it's affordable. Sort of. Anyway. Between that and the many stupid things I've done in the past couple of years, I'm feeling a little like my luck is on the down-hill slope. Except for the fact that I'm still winning prizes ALL THE TIME. I won an awesome doorprize for album design at the photo conference, and I just won my Chiropractor's monthly prize which included a pedometer, something I've long been curious about, and I won a free burrito a couple of months ago... So I guess maybe my "luck" hasn't changed. I do wonder if the bigger mistakes are just a factor of adulthood. With great responsibility comes greater margin for error? I'm sure Spider-Man would nod his head to that one, too.

Talk, talk is cheap
Give me a word you can keep 

So what am I doing with the time in which I should be blogging? Watching too much TV and reading too many books. Okay, I take that back, you can't read too many books. But the TV part is true. I've been following The Voice in both the USA and the UK. That's a lot of TV just by itself, but in my defence, I just play it in the background, and sometimes when a favourite voice of mine comes into my eardrum, I stop to listen. If The Voice comes to Canada, I think I'd try to audition. Just for the heck of it. In other TV, Paul and I both love British TV (my parents will have to take some of the blame for this by introducing me to the Brits by way of Mr. Bean, Masterpiece Theatre, and Hyacinth Bucket throughout my life at home) so my current obsessions are with the new Sherlock and Dr. Who. That's just a fraction of the TV though. Since I watch most things in the background while I'm working on photo editing or other computer jobs that don't require all my attention, I'd say I'm following probably a dozen or more TV shows over time. There are about four different season spans, and some of them are old, so how many I am following at one time varies. But aside from the fact that sometimes I could be using TV time to blog, and I intend to switch that around a little, I really don't regret it too much.

Oh, and lets not forget the books. I've found a social networking site on books about half a year ago, and since then it has directly led to me reading some absolutely excellent works. Most recently I read The Fault in Our Stars, which if you ask the dumb masses is a book about cancer and death, and if you ask me is a poignant book about life and love and friendship and wry humor in the face of adversity - about facing adversity and just living. I like that about it. It felt encouraging to me. It is truly an inspired book, in my opinion. I cried. I fell in love with all the characters. It was totally what fiction should be - an experience. That's merely the most memorable book. I've also been devouring the PostSecret series, enjoying Annie Leibowitz's Pilgrimage, and more, from fiction to non-fiction and beyond.

I won't soar, I won't climb
If you're not here, I'm paralyzed
Without you, without you

There has been a resurgence of activity in the love lives/family growth of what seems like dozens of friends. Between the new relationships and new babies that seem to be flooding my friend's lives, I've felt a little overwhelmed sometimes. Actually, when I think about it, it's got to be nearly a dozen people I know dealing with one or the other new person in their lives, whether young or older. Don't get me wrong, it's great to be trusted and be a confidant for many of my friends in relationships (or what they'd like to be romantic relationships). Well, it's fun to be a confidant when people actually take your advice, anyway. I've grown used to the idea that I can't change people, which has been a helpful realization that saves me from taking on a lot of false responsibilities. Sometimes I just want to throw up my hands and roll my eyes, and sometimes I am deeply concerned, but I am deeply honored recently by a great deal of trust placed in me by at least three people I can think of off the top of my head. I'm glad to be a sounding board. I'm just sorry sometimes to be a negative one. There's nothing that sucks more than telling people you think they're probably not going the right direction. I've had some really bad experiences in the past making those judgements, so it's especially hard these days. Especially when I don't currently have much evidence of being wrong about other people's relationships, and I have a whole lot of evidence of being woefully correct about bad ones. Not that I'm omniscient or anything. Just observant and good with relationships other than my own. Though this last relationship of mine is the exception to my prior rule and worked out pretty well, if I may say so myself.

General Last Three Months

And I'm not gonna stand and wait
I'm not gonna leave it until it's much too late

Therapy is probably the best decision I've ever made. Doing it along with the dietician and reconsidering my spirituality is a bit of a burden, though it seems to be working for the most part. Still lots of fixing to do, but it's getting better. It's definitely getting better.

Lord, I don't know which way I am going
Which way the river gonna flow

Ricki asked me what I like about Edmonton. The list is admittedly pretty long. Any of you who know me outside of blogging are already aware that if I have my way, I'll be staying here. I really, really love Edmonton. I think the first and foremost place I love is the Library - my local library, the main library, and the library system in general. My library card is pink and reads, "I am an information Ninja." Which is awesome. They buy enough books for the demand. They have an incredible selection of books of all varieties. They have super fabulous self-checkouts. They have cool events. So the library - incredible. And now Paul has a Calgary library card too, and you can take out books from both cities and return them in either city. Too awesome.

I love the AGA (Art Gallery) and that it brings in amazing shows. The one on Looney Tunes was brilliant, and the appropriateness of Edwin Burtinsky's work here in "oil country" can't be overstated, though I'm not a superfan of his, the work is okay and relevant. There's been some great shows I couldn't see. The arts community here is awesome. Specialized shopping is big. Big place, good stuff availability. Saskatoon is too small for a lot of shopping, big as it is by prairie standards. It's a beautiful city with tons of parks. In Saskatoon the place to go is the riverbank, and it's pretty uniform. In Edmonton there are a zillion amazing parks. I've barely scratched the surface. And that's another thing. It's big enough that I can explore for a lifetime and still never feel like I'm done. Saskatoon I'd pretty well explored already. The Rutherford House is awesome. There's some really cool restaurants. Gas is cheaper in Alberta. Family is really important to most people in Edmonton - something that sets it apart from Calgary a bit. I feel like a lot of Calgarians are a bit more like Cameron's parents from Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Calgary just feels different to me. I don't hate it, but I don't really like it either. 

At any rate, today it's been decided that Paul will only apply for jobs in Edmonton, and it's definitely possible that with the high rate of success I'm having, we will stay and just make Saskatoon a real priority in our lives. It's hard for me, because no matter what happens, one of us really has to sacrifice and there's something we both have to work at really hard. I feel like I should be the one sacrificing, and that somehow everything needs to be reciprocal, but it can't be. That's how it works. 

Bullets fly, split the sky
But that's alright, sometimes sunlight
Comes streaming through the holes

I am working on my spirituality and defining my beliefs lately. I listened to the Problem of Pain audiobook from C.S. Lewis during several of my many Calgary trips, which I really appreciated. The actual subject is only a small feature of the whole framework of humanity that he discusses, but it's a very frankly observed and wisely interpreted set of ideas in my opinion. The whole idea that pain wouldn't be a problem to us at all if there were not a benevolent God is an interesting one, in the framework he lays out. In addition to this, I started reading the Catholic catechism and making notes. I haven't gotten very far, but I am finding it a wonderful basic theological resource and I am excited to continue reading it. It may be thick, but it's quite clearly written and discusses a lot of points that are worth considering.

Not long ago, I watched a video that exposes something I haven't considered much - that we as a society don't speak in emphatic ways anymore. "It has somehow become uncool to sound like you know what you're talking about? [...] What has happened to our conviction?" It's made me really notice that happening in conversations. It's interesting.

I have been watching Ted Talks at least once a week, and following some amazing blogs like Colossal. So life without friends is rich. Usually. But I really need to fix that. 

Sing, slow-ow-ow it down
Through chaos as it swirls
It's us against the world

A couple of days ago I really wanted to go out for coffee with someone - I've spent a lot more time with people online and a little more time in person, and in this case presence is making the heart grow fonder. I really want to have a more active social life here, I want to make more of an effort. Realizing this now, when my life is busier than it has ever been before, is inconvenient. But the more I go through therapy, the more I understand that realizations are only the foundation of change when you decide to make it so. Therefore I put up a Facebook status, and it was answered by my awesome brother in law, who proceeded to take me on a general adventure around Edmonton, showing me some of the wonderful places he had found in his many walks and bike rides around the city. After a long period of cloudy days, we saw Venus shining brightly and talked about the planets a bit. There's one breathtaking view we saw that I can't wait to show Paul on a special day soon. We also spent some time talking about business ethics, life paths, and other amazing things. I'm really blessed to have inherited family (and family-in-law, even) that is pretty amazing, with kind, interesting people in it.

I think I finally found a note to make you understand
If you can hit it sing along and take me by the hand

Today, finally, I have brought my beloved home with me, after another two drives and more to come. We had a bit of a rough day, as both of us are very stressed about our respective workloads (I have an overpacked month with design and photography packed into every moment, and he's got his thesis to research and write) and neither of us are sleeping terribly well. It's not making for a smooth time together. This morning we were both really grouchy. It ended well though, with Paul giving me an animated account of what it is he's been doing at work these past six weeks, and me detailing some of my upcoming business plans.

Tomorrow I have a boudoir shoot (my fifty in a couple of weeks) and a photobooth, as well as a health-related appointment (I have tons of those these days). After that we leave for Saskatoon, which I am hoping will be a bit more relaxed, despite the fact that I will have to take my work with me. But I am looking forward to the days ahead - busy but normal with my husband in the same house. It's going to be an interesting ride!

Ah, what a feeling of accomplishment, working through so much time in a blog post. I am glad I did it. Must do more!

If you'd like to follow my adventures in all work-related things, you can always check out
 http://www.edmontonphotographer.ca

Wake me up, shake me up
Break me up, then put me back together
Call my name, somebody take me away
Rescue me, completely

Yesterday was my first full appointment with my therapist, and I do feel like I'm making some steady progress with life, so that's good. I am considering a great many things about myself and trying to break down the way I do things, and slowly embed habits into my life that aren't making things harder... Today I had a bit of an epiphany about my mental state when I'm not eating well, which could also prove useful in future.

Also, last evening Paul and I went to see his high school friend, musician Sarah Farthing, play at the Black Dog pub on Whyte Ave. She has those chills-down-the-spine vocal qualities that make someone a thrill to listen to, and Paul and I were loathe to talk over the music, despite the atmosphere. I have to say, though, the most exciting part of the performance was when one of the baseball-sized mirrorballs fell to the ground, missing her by inches. She said she was going to take it home as a souvenir, and I guess they gave it to her! We talked with her about her plans for the future and her experience touring for a bit. It was a great way to spend an evening with good quality live music, which I haven't had much of for awhile.

I was proud of myself for walking the seven or eight long blocks to the pub and back, quite a bit more than I usually walk in a day, and a beautiful day to be walking. Whyte Ave is celebrating spring a bit early, what with some clothing out on sidewalk sale and at least one place with their outdoor patio open. There were also cute dogs on the hunt for some nifty smells with their owners. 

A couple of days ago, Paul and I made a snowman in the park by the library! We have decided to, at the very least, make an annual snowman as a tradition. 

I have been spending some of my insomniac nights in pursuit of a better website and higher client turnover - and also looking through all the TripAdvisor ratings of the Cuban resort we'll be staying at. 

Something that is almost unbelievable to me is that Paul's last final is on Wednesday. We're not at the end of the road yet, there's two more placements coming up, Paul has to write his thesis, and late this year he will have to write a certification test, which I'm sure won't be too bad. All in all though, the end is now firmly in sight. To school anyway. There's a sadly large amount of debt which we will be stuck paying off for some time. But with both of us working and bringing in some money, it should be a transition into an easier life over a while. 

Life is looking up! And now it's time for me to east some pasta with cheese sauce. =)

I was once an all or nothing person, then I became a most-or-nothing person, and now I have set myself on a path of becoming a  relaxed and peace-filled, achievable-goal-oriented, healthy and well-adjusted person. This will certainly take a lifetime, but I do have some great role models. I feel like I have been a great case study for proving that all-or-nothing mentality is a consistent recipe for massive, crashing failure. I'd say I was the poster child, except that would be selfish and not take the facts into account - in this I am not the worst of sinners. That mentality is common, even prevalent. My first response to this is to tell every one of you to stop thinking that way right now! How fittingly ironic. Instead, I shall ask everyone to create one or two specific, achievable long term goals, and when they are achieved, to reward oneself with something meaningful or fun. That is a far more realistic change.

This has been a week full of self-help appointments. After several tries over many months to find a therapist who would agree to work with me, I've found one in my building complex who is giving me his lowest floating rate, and has had long-term success working with other binge eaters in the past. My favourite moment of our meeting was when he said that he was going to say some things that were pretty much guaranteed to be true, and I would say, "Bullsh*t." He then gave a great example of that by saying, "Perfection is not achievable." and I was like, "Yep. I know that's true, but even so, Bullsh*t was the exact word that came to the back of my mind." His therapy model seems ideally suited to the issues I'm facing - rather than working on the past, it's about working on the present issues and making consistent changes over time.

Making inconsistent, too-fast, unsteady changes is something I am an expert at failing at. Now I have help, people to expose these lies that make all my misery. I am doing my best to convince myself that nobody is an island of perfection, but those are ever-present struggles. 

So I have a brain-specialist who says we can work toward a cure. Today I met with a dietician who helped me construct realistic goals and seemed optimistic that making some simple changes in my diet could result in an overall decrease in binge behaviour. At the chiropractor today, my visit frequency was reduced because my body, especially my lower back, is doing better. And tomorrow I have an appointment with my doctor to fill out referral papers for the Calgary ED program, which will create a more intensive environment with which to handle this illness. 

This Lent, I have decided to set time aside to learn and review already touched-upon truths about the sanctity, beauty, and importance of the body in keeping with the journey I have set myself upon. A journey of many small steps, small failures, small successes, and the way they add up to something much bigger than the moment. I finally believe, for the first time, that I can beat this thing. 

I am training these hands for war. A subtle, long-term battle of will and determination, that can only be won by outpacing the darkness inside. I am stubborn, I will work hard at this, and the truth will prevail. 

Paul is very supportive and loving. Tonight we had supper with a couple where the girl is in his program, and we really enjoyed ourselves, talking for hours about all sorts of things. It pleases me to realize that we may have several life-long friends in some of Paul's classmates - people to play board games with, talk with, live alongside. No man is an island. 

• Remarking, or hearing and responding to Paul's remarks about the zero-visibility thickness of intermittent flurries of snow
• A scary appointment that resulted in hopefulness
• I woke up from a weird and disturbing dream, which involved a Catholic Holy Feast Day for Saints Killed By Alligator. I kid you not.
• Tackling some admin work I needed to do for myself which took me the better part of the day
• Receiving a welcome to our new parish (St. Theresa's) which made us smile and was signed with a smiley face by Father Jim and included a brief bio of the parish patron Saint, Therese of Lisieux, whose writings I have looked at a little. (A previous church sent us a welcome signed by the church treasurer with details of different methods of giving - and nothing else. It was titled welcome, but wasn't welcoming or even tactful, which made this a breath of air.)
• Getting exciting air mail from Singapore, thanks to eBay. It was just a cheap cord for my smartphone, but cool that it was from Singapore, I've never had mail from Singapore before.
• Finishing a book which was very satisfying - and starting the next one in the series
• Observing Ash Wednesday at the parish, and realizing belatedly that neither Paul nor I had any plans for Lent and thinking about it together
• Watching a teen girl protest to Father Jim, "Don't ditch me!" when he turned to talk to us tonight. Paul and I lost it laughing, and it's the most hilarious priestly interaction I've seen so far.
• Did I mention Father Jim is awesome? He made the double fist pull (or, colloquially, the "Booyeah!") gesture to celebrate the full church tonight. Also provoking gales of laughter.
• Finding random forgotten food in the freezer, including smokies, cake, and leftover pizza. It's like a treasure hunt in the Antarctic
• There are pigeons attempting to make their home on our balcony. I have armed myself with a water gun again. I know, I know, it's winter, but this means WAR. 
• I tried to relax a bit, and succeeded, for the most part!

Make me your radio
Turn me up when you feel low
I pray you'll never leave me behind
Because good music can be so hard to find

When I started writing this post, it was a couple of days ago and I was enjoying the different surroundings of sitting at Starbucks and playing on Paul's laptop while puttering around on the internet and waiting on hold to talk to my cell phone provider about having to pay long distance fees to access my voicemail being a silly problem to have. Hopefully they can help me get that changed. When I call them again. Because they took over fifteen minutes with me on hold, and it was throwing off my groove. So I gave up. I shall return that call, sometime in a morning hour, when nobody else is on tech support.

I know, I know. Me? Up in the morning? It happens more often now, what with an early rising husband and sometimes just having so much work to do that requires contacting people that an early start just seems like a good plan.

I am currently working on a whole bunch of different projects and they are keeping me quite busy. I am also feeling pretty sick recently, all morning every morning recently has consisted of couching, hacking, ridiculous amounts of phlegm, and general misery, and the rest of the day a slightly more spaced out version of the same, which sucks a lot. Not to mention that Paul, too, has has been sickly often lately as well. We're both pretty burned out. 

Which is why the sheer enormity of my current project pile has me at an impasse, somewhere between resigned and grumpy. Luckily, most of the work is paid. Unluckily, it's mostly my least favourite kind of work to do.

In much more excellent real-life news, today I acquired my long-awaited 105mm prime lens, which will give me newfound abilities for both it's intended use of macro photography, and it's equally excellent telephoto abilities. I've been lusting after this lens ever since trying one out at the Image Explorations Supershoot last summer. For me, prime lens distances are either comfortable or uncomfortable. That first time trying out the 105 was a falling-in-love moment for me. And now I have my very own, and I will love it and hug it and, most of all, not feel bad about the cost. It's going to help me get to the next level in photos, and it's going to be fantastic to take advantage of it.

In even more awesome, but more internet and business related news, thanks to a great article on Lifehacker I've finally been able to set up my server as a file sharing service for easy uploads on my part, and easy online downloads for my clients. I've been trying to find a good solution to this problem of web upload limitations for YEARS. My server has unlimited data, so that's something I'm going to start taking advantage of, no more ad-filled, limited third-party websites. Whew. Lifehacker has taught me how to sharpen knives, cut onions, set up my rearview mirrors to avoid blind spots entirely... In short, it's like having a wise old person who knows everything around to ask questions.

I have finally jumped onto the internet bandwagon and started filling out my Pinterest online pinboard collection. I adore so many of the images I've found - and it has inspired me to consider adding pet photography to my list of photographic areas of interest. 

Valentines Day itself was rather uneventful, though I should mention that my Gran sent us a GIANT singing valentines pop-up card that had been on our counter for about a week and a half and provided us with many smiles and happy feelings all season. I put a note in next years calendar to take it out of our greeting card file and smile to it again. I made Paul a papercutting - I've been trying to find time to make papercuttings, and since I know they make great gifts, I am storing up ideas.

Today Paul took me on our Valentines date - to the Alberta Aviation Museum, which was pretty cool! We learned a bit about plane salvaging, RCAF history, and bush pilots. We spent three whole hours there wandering about slowly, absorbing all the exhibits and videos and talking about them. Since it was cold and snowy, we didn't check out their outdoor displays. It doesn't seem that big until you start wandering around in it and realize that you really do want to see everything. I took a couple of crappy cell phone camera photos, but the best part was just holding the hand of my favourite person and exploring life together.

Speaking of cell phones, my smartphone has introduced me to several awesome things. I found a game I used to play online called Paper Toss, which is simply trying to toss a balled up piece of paper into a wastebasket with fans blowing - virtually. It's awesome. I found a game called Clouds and Sheep which is insanely addictive, cute, and a great way to forget the world - for up to several hours, as I found out yesterday. Not to mention the Claw Game. I've tired of it for now, but I know it will be back! Having a smartphone is like having a nice personal gaming system when you're bored, so that's kind of a nice thing to have around.

I'm still trying to read quite a bit. I'm on the second book of the Eragon series, Eldest, recommended by Paul. I cringed through the terribly edited and not super fantastically written first book - which beneath all that has a great story, and I am now about a third into the second book, where things have sped up quite a bit and gotten much more interesting, along with the addition of more "badass" awesome heroines. 

So far, I have eight weddings booked for this year, including the destination wedding in Cuba in August that was so well timed, and a ninth next February. I'm super excited to start the year off at the end of March.

The other big news for us is that we'll be in Calgary for about six weeks around the month of April. Well, Paul will be there the whole time, and I'll be there with him as much as I can be as spring approaches. 

I'm thinking of starting a "favourite moment of this week" section to my blog posts, and even something I can take time to post when I'm slacking on the posting front. My favourite moment of this week was playing the title song of this post and dancing around the kitchen with Paul being lovey and laughing. It makes me smile every time the song comes on. I'm so blessed to still be so deeply in love. A lifetime of love is coming.

I'm not here to stay
There's gonna be brighter days
I just might bend but I won't break
As long as I can see your face
I'll keep dancing anyway

Wow, February already. WHOOOSH. The sound of the deadlines flying by... Life moves pretty fast... 

I mounted an assault against the ridiculously tangled mob of cords in my home office, and in the process reworked my whole space a little bit to be more useful by re-assigning shelf space. I made three very important discoveries regarding computer space in the last two days. The first is that Paul's small portable drive that failed recently (not taking anything irreplaceable with it, for once) is still under warranty, and I have made all the ridiculous preparations necessary to send it back. I have included the 2 inches of bubble wrap on all sides that is required, without which shipping the drive voids the warranty... Secondly, there was a drive I hadn't been using and that was now a redundant backup, making it possible for me to backup some information that I only had one copy of. You know, the less important things, like my RAW photo files for the last two years. :p And the final kicker - there was a single file on my computer that was taking up a quarter of my hard drive space. Stupid iPhoto. I only used it for a little while before discovering I didn't actually need to use it for my Keynote presentations. In that time it had amassed over 250 GB of photo doubles, backed up elsewhere, that I haven't looked at in over a year. I thought things had filled up faster than they should, and I was right. If only I'd figured that out earlier, but at least now I have normal use of my computer back, a clean and re-organized workspace, and a feeling of accomplishment. 

Of course, that feeling fades when I consider the next project - taxes. It took me a whole year to get into a rhythm of proper recordkeeping, so 2011 is the last bad year when it comes to taxes. Sadly, as happens to me often, that's a mistake I get to pay for now. Better than 2010 at least, and I did keep a really good list of expenses this year. 

The two tradeshows that have been consuming my life went very well actually, particularly Bridal Fantasy, which has already netted me two weddings, a possible Destination wedding in Cuba that could not have been timed any better, and another seven or so wedding possiblities in the next two years - I'll be doing coffee with quite a few couples in the coming weeks. It looks like some of our financial difficulties will be smoothed over by the wedding bookings, which is a great relief.

Today I told Paul that something that would make me truly happy is $100 a month that I could blow in whatever manner I felt like at the time. It would feel like utter richness to me... Just over half a year until I might be able to start thinking about that as a real possibility! For now, Paul and I just make exhaustive lists. Dance. Buy one of the cute little stuffed "monsters" from the farmer's market. Get magazine subscriptions. Those are just a few of the things on the growing list. It's almost harder to handle the longing the closer we get...

I spend a lot of time reading these days. I should probably make more of an effort to contact people, and I think I'll try in the coming weeks, but it's sometimes difficult to do anything but focus on work when the computer is in front of me, and on the shambles of the house when I sit on the couch, and the dishes when I'm in the kitchen... I need to start making a much more concerted effort to actually relax and get beyond all that. 

Today I enjoyed one of my favourite traditions - watching the movie Groundhog Day on Groundhog Day. It's such an awesome movie, it always makes me happy, and moreso now that I get to share it with my favourite husband in the whole wide world.

Tomorrow is another day that will probably vanish, but I got a lot done today, despite being in a funk for most of the day and feeling like there was absolutely nothing I wanted to do. Here's to days that get better! 

And so I found a state of mind
Where I could be speechless
I had to try it for a while
To figure out this feeling

My Grandma told me on the phone the other day (while I was trying out my nifty new bluetooth that makes my phone road-legal here) that my journal is a broken record. Where did the time go? Why haven't I blogged? I should blog more. Life is busy. 

Ditto.

Things and days continue to happen at a most alarming rate, which on one hand is excellent because it means life will stabilize in almost exactly 200 days when Paul is finished his program, and in fact it will stabilize just a little in about 50 days when he finishes classes and only has practicums left.

It seems like only yesterday that I got my new smartphone, found the blog of the guy who posted a hilarious ad for a snowblower, learned how to adjust my car door mirrors to eliminate the blind spot effect entirely (really!) and set up a booth an amazingly successful Wedding trade show. Well, actually, that was on Sunday, so if it seems like yesterday it's not too much of a time warp.

My friends Cathleen and Garrett drove in together (having never met before) to help me with my trade show. Despite being a much slower show than previously (I'd estimate there were half the people there compared to last year), it was very successful - I've had five brides contact me already to further discuss packages, and one couple has already booked my big all-inclusive package, which means I have another wedding upcoming in May. I am so excited about the possibility that there will be many weddings this year, and lots of them will be full service weddings, meaning I get to shoot lots. I made sure that Cathleen got to visit Cora's for breakfast while she was there, since she had fond memories of it from her time in Montreal and I had fond memories of it from my honeymoon. In a fun twist of fate, we ended up with a French menu - or rather, I ended up with it and then traded her since my knowledge of French is limited to basic words and pronunciation in classical singing. 

Today I went to my carefully chosen new doctor for the first time. (I spent about four hours a couple of weeks ago researching reviews for all the doctors who appeared to be accepting patients and he was well reviewed.) He was brusque compared to my doctor in Saskatoon, but not alarmingly so, and he dealt with all the issues I presented and agreed to refer me to a battery of specialists, the most notable of which being the Eating Disorder Program in Calgary, which I really hope to be able to take advantage of - it's an Alberta Health program for all of Alberta that offers support to those suffering from all forms of eating disorders, not just anorexia, and includes a battery of health professionals comprehensively looking at your case and providing counselling to you and your family. It feels like a ray of hope. He's also referring me to a dietician here since there's no telling how long the program will take to accept me and a dermatologist, and has requested a thorough bloodwork screening to figure out if there's anything seriously wrong with my digestive system. All in all, it was a good experience. Well, I haven't had the bloodwork yet, so maybe I'm speaking too soon! I'm a bit like getting blood from a stone. 

I am adjusting very well to having a smartphone, particularly now that I have access to the awesomeness that is Shazam (a program that identifies music by "listening" to it), Prize Claw (a ridiculously addictive arcade-like claw game), and dare I say it, Angry Birds. The best part is getting my email as it happens, so it doesn't pile up so badly without being read/responded to, though the read emails are piling up without me archiving them now. That's just because the busyness is a little ridiculous these days, what with the two tradeshows in two weekends - the one at the West Ed is this weekend coming, as well as a Rehab Med Gala that same day, which I've been hired to do a photobooth for. Since having the smartphone, I've also found a great add-on to make my business website mobile-friendly, which is great because I have a ton of people visiting via smartphone these days. 

My new printer that I ordered has arrived, and as well as functioning as a fax machine, photocopier, excellent office-scanner, and giant lump in the middle of my office area, it prints gorgeous pictures. Consequently I've added on-site prints to the Admire Studios list of offered items, which means lugging it around, but it also means a better chance of booking photobooths with people. 

I feel like I've been busy buying things quite frequently, really. Lots of small things, things for the shows, things for life. Today I got two steals of deals from eBay, which always makes me a happy camper. Plus I stopped off at Value Village on the way home and got a shirt for Paul and one for me, which I called a shopping spree. Paul told me that spending less than $15 didn't qualify as a shopping spree, but I can't help but disagree in our current financial climate! Deals make me happy though, which I think runs in my family... I'm probably going back tomorrow to see if the $5 small paper shredder is still there too. 

I've been reading a lot with varying levels of success - this week I read two books, one of which (a novel about Madame Tussaud) I adored and the other I absolutely hated. I've been using GoodReads to try and keep track of what I want to read, which generally means I read more and request more things from the library - which now has a system to remind me of due dates in advance, which should save me about $3-5 a month at this rate.

Paul and I have been rescuing coupons from the recycle bins in the mailroom, so eating out is going to be cheap this month! Not to mention the $5 footlong sale at Subway. 

And that's all I can think of to say just now. Today was an exciting day.