If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that I'd like to do
Is to save every day 'til eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you
“The next time you say that I love you too much I will beat it out of you!!”
This is what I thought about saying, jokingly, the other night as I tucked in the sleepy Paul, put some green curry and rice in a lunch container and prepared to leave the house to buy a bottle of wine so my husband could enter the office Wine Pool at work. While I have googled it, I am still not 100% certain how a wine pool works. All I can tell you for sure is that a wine pool clearly embraces the vices of liquor and gambling. I’m an enabler, what can I say.
I could tell the wine pool was something he really wanted to do, so I batted his objections.
“It costs too much.”
It’s $25, sweetie. We spend that much money on things every day. It’s no big deal.”
“It’s not that important.”
“Spending time with your co-workers is fun, right?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Fun is important. The liquor store near us is still open, it’s no big deal.”
“Sometimes I feel like you love me too much.”
Instead of rolling my eyes, growling, or speaking violent thoughts, I jumped on the bed and bounced on it violently and said, “Do I love you too much?” and then coached him the correct answer until I got a questioning, “No??” Close enough.
Two liquor stores later, I found a wine that met the cost requirements and would be to my taste to drink if we happened to win the pool - a sweet Riesling called a Spatlese. We don’t exactly live in the richest part of town. This means that finding wine at 10:30pm is a piece of cake, but finding wine that costs more than ten bucks is a teensy bit more difficult.
But it made me SO happy. I love serving my lover. He’s a good husband, and I try to be a good wife back. It’s something I’m immensely proud of, having such a loving, serving, functional, deeply romantic marriage. I’m blessed, but I’m working hard at it every day.
So it was my birthday on Saturday, the start of a series of unfortunate events...
Over the course of several days, I have twisted my ankle badly after last week twisting my other ankle just a bit, and when I twisted my ankle I fell to my knees, which means my knees hurt - shortly after this I shot 3 hours worth of sessions and carried all my gear around - and then got Paul to buy me an ice wrap so we could keep our plan to go see Doctor Strange. Which was AWESOME. Great birthday movie.
This morning I woke up to the sure knowledge that I also have a shitty congestion cold, sniffle.
Shortly thereafter in the frosty morning air, Paul’s car battery was dead. To add to the issue, it was in the garage, so I had to get him to put the car in neutral and push it (downhill on the driveway) out of the garage and into the alley so the cables could reach, which they just did. (Also I learned today that one can daisy-chain jumper cables. This knowledge is sure to come in handy in future at some point.) Hallelujah, even sleepy, we figured out how to make the cables work and get his car started. Except that later that day it died again, in a parking lot, and then after he got it jumpstarted by an opportunistic cabbie for $25, the whole car died completely at a stoplight at a busy intersection - meaning it was in the dark without flashers on in the back, just the hood up. The car guru in our lives tells us it’s the alternator. Paul had it towed to the nearest Canadian Tire to where he was, which thankfully had a spot open tomorrow morning to check it out. The tow truck cost less than usual, which made things less problematic. But Paul and I had a disagreement over whether to order one at all… and we were both stressed so that wasn’t fun.
The stress was the worst for me, because over the course of the day, my cold got way worse. I had and still have a super sore upper back, in addition to full, painful sinuses alternating with runny nose and the occasional cough, and the ankles and knees from the other day. My poor body is just out of juice by this point. Basically I was already in whiny tired stage, and then I got lost on the freaking Henday again (like the dozenth time, no hyperbole at all, because I can’t outthink the GPS fast enough at night when I’m tired and have no sense of direction at all, much less my usual shreds) and ended up having a breakdown of my own of the emotional variety in a parking lot in Sherwood Park wishing the day would just end already. Finally I pulled myself together and went to get Paul at the Canadian Tire and he drove us both home.
I met someone in the south side today, and consequently went to Ikea to grab a couple of things I’d been meaning to get for some time, the main one of which being a compact magazine carrier/rack from a desk set that was the perfect size to store my growing collection of colouring books. I made as many shortcuts as I could at Ikea, but still ended up walking quite a bit. I also found a Christmas present for my niece, and a couple of pieces for the bathroom. The other thing I came in for was a laptop desk, but unfortunately it has a bolt problem and will need to be returned. At least I kept track of the reciepts in all the furious things that happened today.
I used the Superstore click-and-collect grocery service again today, and even though this time I had to wait 10 minutes for groceries, it was still a near-effortless way to get groceries, especially with a sprained ankle. Getting things in the house for a small grocery order was pretty easy.
Past lives couldn't ever come between us
Some time the dreamers finally wake up
Don't wake me I'm not dreaming
I just realized that over the course of the entire year so far, I read less than 10 fiction books and maybe 2-3 non-fiction… To be fair, half of those books are basically two books long - I’m talking about the Outlander series, where I recently picked An Echo In The Bone up from the library and thought, “Wait, is that a large print copy?” Nope. Just a freaking enormous tome of a book. It may be the year I’ve read the least in my life - every other year where I didn’t read for fun I was reading for education, and I don’t think I really did that much educational reading in 2016 either, though I did read a lot more articles than I used to so it maybe evens out. I’m hoping to read another 2-5 books before the end of the year. I have the time, certainly. I have a few books in mind, shorter and longer. Hopefully I can!
Paul and I have started a tradition, which I hope to continue, of celebrating our failures. Let me explain. There’s this viral video going around about how the lady who started Spanx had a Dad who believed that without failure it means you weren’t experiencing enough of life or trying hard enough - so at the dinner table once a week he asked his kids about their failures - made it a celebration of sorts. The first time we did it, I asked Paul how he felt about it. He said it felt rebellious. And to me it does, in the best way. I’m starting to be less afraid to fail, to try, to change. Not in everything, but in some things. It’s something to grow with as time goes by.
So I failed to read a lot of books this year, but I noticed, so I’ll be able to read more in future, make it more of a priority instead of just having a sheaf of books lying about.
I am feeling a bit overwhelmed with the variety of different things to be done, which often happens this time of year, but because I’m sick and uncomfortable the feeling of being overwhelmed comes with the territory. I’m certain I’ll feel better in a few days, in the meantime, planning easy meals and getting groceries is my main concern.
Poor Murph. I was so excited about going for a few more walks with him before the weather turned even colder but my ankle has me sitting out of the game of life for a few more days at least before I can keep up with him.
When those dreams you're dreamin' come to you
When the work you put in is realized
Let yourself feel the pride but
Always stay humble and kind
And finally, the upcoming US election. I have carefully not spoken of it most of the time, but as someone who naturally falls to the right politically, though more of a socialist right than Americans, I have been quite disgusted by the election - and moreso by my peers than the candidates honestly.
Like most people, even staunch US Republicans, I abhor Trump’s behaviour. As a Catholic I am particularly horrified by the Clinton campaign’s commentary on the backwards nature of conservative Catholicism and worse, their disregard for the separation of state and church. Neither of them would be good representatives of mine, were I American.
Thus the disenfranchisement and “last chance” attitude that so many have towards this election is something I understand, even if I don’t agree with the sentiments. I recognize that the issues are nuanced, and the caricature of the American Right is not true, neither the caricature of the American Left. Much is lost in the attempt to create these labels and boxes, but we all know how the road to hell is paved.
I know there’s a lot of people like me who just aren’t feeling represented at all. I didn’t vote in the Canadian election, and honestly, I wouldn’t vote in the American one either if I were American. None of the candidates represent me, none of the parties represent me - and I mean none, not neither. Even counting the additional options, I would be ill-represented. There’s a lot of people out there with the message that you should vote, because. I have not had a single person provide me with a sufficient argument for this. There is no lesser evil. There is just no representation. Why should I vote and thereby lend support to a system that is so poorly representative? What possible reason can there be to support someone who will certainly pass things into law that I decry? Shall I vote and make myself responsible for this? No. There is nothing anyone has been able to say to give me a good reason to vote myself. So unlike the majority of people out there, I will not be encouraging anyone to vote. I am all ears for political reform, but still don’t expect to be well represented, even if it were to come...
However, I am more concerned with interpersonal issues in this election. It is such a vital part of my beliefs that we do not have to be enemies when we disagree, that we can still respect each other, and that respectful discourse will get us farther than anything else, especially in politics. I have seen so much disrespect between people lately, largely about the US elections but about plenty of other things too. I don't think either the candidates for US president respect anything about each other, which is certainly not helping.
But I have to believe that respect is the missing link between the right and left politically. As someone who feels extremely underrepresented by the Canadian right-of-center political field where I more naturally sit, and even worse by the left even if they share some of my socialism, I can see why this is such a gong show. When forced by the two-party or multiparty system to weigh in somehow in the hope that conservative politics will make an improvement no matter who is at the helm… I just don’t buy in.
I believe that no matter what happens, disenfranchisement will continue to grow in the Western world. Corporations whose sole value is financial will continue to dominate power structures. It’s up to us individually to be the change we want to see in the world, not our governments.
So I’m not feeling fatalistic about it. This election like all others will lead to change, possibly bloody and awful change. The heat is reaching a rolling boil, no matter what happens.
So don't delay, act now, supplies are running out
Allow if you're still alive, six to eight years to arrive
And if you follow, there may be a tomorrow
But if the offer is shun, you might as well be walkin' on the sun